This a great book—an essential for any couple learning to communicate in more constructive ways. It is a requirement for couples in my practice.
This book builds on the Non Violent Communication method, using the power of mindfulness.
A deep dive into why we respond the way we do in relationship to our partner’s habits, needs, and response to conflict. For a better understanding of how attachment works, see below.
OK it’s not my favorite book, because it’s a bit unrealistic and idealistic. But it’s a good overview of attachment.
Also based in attachment bonds, this book is based in the style of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). This book helps to understand how our emotions are driving our habit patterns and miscommunication, and then learn to to express ourselves clearly and constructively, without activating our partner’s defense strategies.
My all-time favorite book on parenting. It integrates attachment psychology into the parenting technique that no other books do.
Dan Siegel’s work on interpersonal neurobiology and attachment will change your life. You know how you think your child is really annoying? As it turns out, your experience of annoyance has very little to do with your child, and much to do with your relationship to yourself, your partner, and your parents.
Treat your kids with dignity and respect, and in return you will get respectful children. Rather than punishing them for bad behavior, we can talk to them, in the same way that we would talk to any adult. We talk to them about what happened, and about what’s going to happen throughout the day. Rather than saying “because I said so,” we can patiently explain to them the reason for things, whether it’s why they can’t watch tv all day, or where the easter bunny is currently. This is a wonderful book.
This books does a great job of showing us as parents that holding boundaries for our children is what creates a sense of safety and security that they can rely on, especially if those boundaries create conflict. A must read for all parents.
If you don’t know Allen Shore, he is a pioneer in affect regulation and attachment. It’s all about how we need each other to regulate (change or alter) our nervous systems in relationship. You may have noticed that I have a lot of “attachment” centered books here… attachment is simply how we form a bond with another human. Our attention is the basis for all of it.
A deep investigation of how traumatic experiences live in our bodies. Bessel Van Der Kolk is a leader in the field of trauma treatment and understanding. For a highly technical exploration of the field of trauma research, see his book Traumatic Stress (1996).
This book is a refreshing blend of biology, neuroscience, and body-oriented psychotherapy. It helps explain how trauma is neither a disorder or a disease, but rather a necessary response to pain that repeats itself when no longer necessary.
The great thing about this book is that anyone can read it and find a great deal of use for it in their lives. It gets to the core of addiction in all of us, and de-stigmatizes it. Rather than it being a disease or a personality type, it’s a learning disorder.
The mother of all books on addiction, this is a dense read, though it explains the origins of addiction as our basic longing for connection, safety, and love. When we can’t be in this kind of relationship with someone, we will be in relationship with something.
Another great book for all to read, regardless if you identify as an addict. It gets right to heart of all of our fragmented selves and frames our whole life in terms of this search for wholeness, belonging, and connection.
A great read for all levels of practice, this book gets right to the heart of Zen, and is a great resource for your growth and process in therapy. Ezra talks about how all the experiences in life a part of the practice—they are in fact the path itself.
Essential for all who practice the teaching of the Buddha, this book gets right to the teachings of the 4 Noble Truths, offers formal meditation techniques, and relates wisely to our own hearts in a profoundly wise and gently way.
Pema is one of the greats. She delivers the historical teachings of the Buddha in a perfectly relatable way, speaking straight to our hearts. I can’t recommend her enough, and any book that you read from her will find its way softly into your heart and mind.
For an inside look at my work as a psychotherapist, this book is perfect. It integrates the psychology of personal and spiritual growth into a cohesive, easy to understand, and deeply insightful teaching.
“For one human being to love another human being: that is perhaps the most difficult task that has been given to us, the ultimate, the final problem and proof, the work for which all other work is merely preparation.”
~Rainer Maria Rilke
Communication, intimacy, parenting, personal values. These are just a few of the areas of difficulty that arise in committed relationships. At some point, all relationships reach a critical stage, when something different must be done. Sometimes it looks like separation is the only way, but the truth is, we just go and repeat our old patterns with the next person.
I can help you develop better communication skills, manage conflict, and renew your commitments to one another.
All major life transitions have 3 stages — an ending, a middle transition period, and a beginning. Most of the time we try to go right from the end of an event, to the beginning of something new. This middle stage is very important, but reaching it requires going very deep into ones self, and residing in many psychological unknowns.
No matter the stage of your transition, I can help bring attention to areas that are often overlooked, and create meaning and intention through ritual and ceremony.
“If your everyday practice is to open to all your emotions, to all the people you meet, to all the situations you encounter, without closing down, trusting that you can do that — then that will take you as far as you can go. And then you’ll understand all the teachings that anyone has ever taught.”
~Pema Chodron
Sometimes we need a place where we can voice our feelings, have them heard, and reflected back in a meaningful way.
Learning to identify, express, and regulate your emotional experience is one of the more advanced developmental stages that is not taught to us.
“All addictions — alcohol or drugs, sex addiction or internet addiction, gambling or shopping — are attempts to regulate our internal emotional states because we’re not comfortable, and the discomfort originates from somewhere.”
~Gabor Mate
I can work with you to see where your addiction comes from, and we can begin to develop new ways of relating to yourself and others, in a way that gives you the same rewards that your addictions do.
Sometimes there’s not at easy way to describe your current situation in life, or maybe you know a little about all of these issues. Or maybe you are thinking this whole therapy thing is a sham. It definitely couldn’t hurt to try. Or would it.
Grief, and the intense suffering that it brings, is an essential component of being human — of being born, living, and dying. How we meet the death of those around us will determine how we meet our own death. Yet grief can remain such an intense experience that we pass it up and just try to get on with our lives. Not only is this a form of self-hatred, but it’s also denying many amazing gifts that can come from the grieving process, such as learning to face the fear of our own mortality.